


Keysmash Junior Catches a Killer

by CertifiedPissWizard



Series: The Adventures of Keysmash Junior [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, also? im proud that sterns name is a type of keyboard, i love his cat that i made w my own words, warning stern loves his pet cat and his cat loves him back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 11:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18343160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CertifiedPissWizard/pseuds/CertifiedPissWizard
Summary: Stern realized that perhaps his cat, who had aided him in apprehending several criminals, may have been a better judge of character than he himself, a good FBI agent and grown ass human man.





	Keysmash Junior Catches a Killer

Stern had only known asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf for three months and he was already protective of her. It may have been, perhaps, because of that fact that he had to keep sneaking cat supplies in and out of his hotel rooms the whole entire time since he had taken her in. It could also have to do with the fact that she had helped him catch multiple criminals during that time. It could also have to do with the fact that she kept showing up at crime scenes, which was getting to be a bit of an issue. On the plus side, Stern had heard rumors that he might be getting a transfer to another department, although nothing was set in stone yet.

He really could have done without asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf showing up to his date in a nice restaurant, though. It really would have been nice to not have to pay the check so early, and scoop up his beautiful goblin of a manx cat. That would have been very fun. On the plus side, his date, a lovely man named Jeff, seemed both fine with the being kicked out of the restaurant and also the cat. Jeff suggested that, perhaps, since they were forced to leave the restaurant a bit earlier than intended, they could take the food that they scooped into takeout boxes with them and have a late night picnic; Stern, secretly a romantic at heart, agreed, of course.

The night air was cool, and the full moon combined with the street lamps to give everything a warm, dim sort of glow. Jeff held the bag with their food in it with one hand, and with his other he held Stern’s free hand. “So, what’s her name?” Stern, was, of course, very happy to respond because he loved his cat very much.

“Oh! Her name is asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf.” Jeff gave him a look.

“How did you say that with your mouth?” Stern stared blankly at Jeff in response, wondering why on earth people kept being surprised when he said his cat’s name.

“I’m a linguist? And I can speak multiple languages? I guess that’s why. How can you not say it?”

“I’m just going to call her Keysmash Junior.” Stern, while previously enjoying the date, and still excited to see where it would go, felt the slightest hint riled at that, and asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf also seemed to be displeased. Despite that, however, they continued strolling through the city streets until they stumbled onto a small park with what appeared to be a pond in it. There was a park bench by the lake as well, so they sat down there.

Jeff turned away, took both hands to the bag and spent a minute or so removing the food from it and passing Stern his takeout container. Almost immediately after he passed it to Stern, asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf sniffed it, licked a piece of the pasta, and promptly swatted the whole thing out of Stern’s lap. “Asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf, not again. Please stop swiping food out of my lap. We can’t keep doing this asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf, we just can’t.” It was the twelfth time. Dvorak Stern was very tired of that happening at this point; asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf was very tired of people trying to poison Stern at this point. They were both mutually exhausted.

Jeff stared in complete silence, appearing contemplative. “I wonder why Keysmash Junior would do that? Can I pet her? Maybe she just doesn’t know me well enough right now.” Stern, filled with apprehension at asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf being called Keysmash Junior, slowly passed the manx over to Jeff, who proceeded to sit her down on his lap and began to pet her. She bristled at the contact from a man who had tried to poison _her_ Stern, and was petting her too hard, and smelled weird, and had something shiny hidden inside his blazer. She swatted the fabric away.

“Why did you bring a knife on our date, Jeff?” In this moment, Stern realized that perhaps his cat, who had aided him in apprehending several criminals, may have been a better judge of character than he himself, a good FBI agent and grown ass human man. “Jeff, why did you bring a knife?”

Jeff proceeded to push asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf off of his lap and grab the knife. It was at this point that two things happened. First, asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf bit into one of the man’s ankles and decided to not let go. Second, Stern proceeded to push Jeff flat down onto the bench and try and grab the knife from him. This was not overly difficult, as a cat biting into your ankle is likely an incredibly painful experience, that would very easily overcome one’s desire to commit a murder on someone they were going on a date with.

With the not very helpful help of asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf, Stern was able to turn Jeff over and handcuff him. Then he proceeded to call the area’s police on his cell phone and do a combination of holding Jeff down and petting asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf.

Later, he would learn that Jeff was a serial killer. That would really put a hamper on his desire to go on any more dates for quite a while.


End file.
